Finding our new normal

Life is happening. Preschool is in full swing. Selah started soccer and loves it. Olivia is getting more creative. Donnie is rocking his therapy. He said "Go!" today! So now he knows two words, "MAMMA!!!!!!!" And "Go!". He almost has "duck" underway too. I'm excited about that. 

I forget the journey sometimes. In ways I think that's good and normal. After all, he's my son just like my girls are my daughters. I treat them all the same and I love them all the same, no matter which part of my body they grew in. Sometimes people watch us with an endearing face and I think, "what?....what did I do?......" I forget he doesn't look like me or my girls. He's just mine. I love that we are getting to our new normal.....but I never want to forget the journey. 

I am a part of a Facebook group of people who visit Donnie's orphanage every few months. The most recent group was just there this past week and I was able to see the orphanage in depth. The nannies, the children. I did not look at one single picture without smiling/laughing and then immediately crying. I don't know how to handle seeing gorgeous, witty, 8 year old girls with handicapped legs .....laying in a CRIB still.......or malnourished cleft lip babies that look like new borns but they are really 16 months old. I really don't know how to handle that. Not to mention the countless other children who are starving for one on one attention. Now the group is gone and those children are back to the reality of institutionalized life with only a few Nannys o give them what they need. The group is gone and those fatherless children are left longing for the next group to come and love them so specially again. I'm over here drowning in my sea of perfect and rightly so, needy children, trying desperately to get air, yet passionately wanting to muster the strength to love these babies too. 

Tonight as I was putting Donnie to bed I was going through the motions. When he finally stopped kicking around until he was comfortable, he leaned into me and reached over for my face. He rubbed my cheeks and then squeezed my neck and fell asleep. I began to weap. My baby is here. Right here in my bed, rubbing my cheeks because he loves me and he knows I love him. Because I'm his mommy. It made me remember how I felt starring at this picture months ago....

This was the very first picture I saw of Donnie. I remember being terrified to open my email and see who my son was for the first time. I was afraid I wouldn't like him at first. I remember scrolling down and seeing this picture and just sobbing!!! I didn't look at anything else for several minutes as I sobbed and told the Lord "THANK YOU!!!!" because, just like it felt when I saw my girls for the first time, there wasn't a shadow of a doubt that this boy was mine. I starred at this picture for months, dreaming of what it would feel like to kiss his cheeks. And tonight, here he is, rubbing mine. 

People keep telling me how lucky Donnie is to have us. No, we are lucky to have him. My good friend wrote this in her blog and I'm going to quote her because it's so beautiful and true. She said..

"Adoption. A crown of beauty for ashes, a joyous blessing instead of mourning (Isaiah 61:3), the ultimate picture of God’s love for us. The least of the least. Let us as Christians rise up and obey. Orphans, widows, the needy, the unborn. These are the royal ones in the kingdom of heaven. “And the King will say, I tell you the truth, when you did it to one of the least of these my brothers and sisters, you were doing it to me!” Matthew 25:40. And then, “And he will answer, I tell you the truth, when you refused to help the least of these my brothers and sisters, you were refusing to help me.” Matthew 25:45.

This child we have been given. We are not rescuing him. Perhaps, he is rescuing us. Rescuing us from complacency, selfishness, pride, disobedience, self absorption, living life without really LIVING. We are the ones who are blessed, we are the ones who have been given this gift of (Donald Richard Murray IV). Officially an orphan no more. A loved son, a loved brother, a loved cousin, a loved grandson, a loved nephew, a loved friend."

-Melinda 

This is my new normal. He is here and I am ever thankful for this twist in my life that is breaking my heart in beautiful ways and leading me straight to the feet of Jesus. 

Please pray for the other millions of orphans longing for cheecks to rub at night and ask the Lord how you can love Him through them. 

Gotcha Day!

Ok so I am officially the worst blogger ever..... We've had Donnie about 2 months and I am finally posting my Gotcha Day blog. Man, so sorry. I will tell you, that I have tried to type this up a thousand times and haven't been able to finish it. It is no where near what I wanted to say but I will never post this blog if i don't just push the "publish" button right now! So here I go!...

So it was August 23 at 4 AM when I woke up an hour before my alarm. I was so excited I couldn't stand it. As I got dressed and ready, I made sure every curl was perfect. I wanted to be beautiful for my son.

We were off. We loaded the plane and for the two hour plane ride I dreamed and cried and prayed and read as All Sons and Daughters blasted in my ears. Oh I could not wait to hold my baby. I prayed so hard for his little heart to not be broken too bad when we rip him away from everything he knows. For our hearts as we watch him grieve and for peace to swallow him up whole. 

Then we landed. My heart felt like it was going to explode out of my chest. I was so anxious and so ready. 

Here we are. On the same soil as our babies. 

The car ride from the airport to Our hotel was long but seemed LONGER. Once we arrived we were told to put our things in our rooms and then we will head out for a tour of the city and grab lunch.....

At that point I couldn't have cared less about lunch. We were told that our boys were their waiting but we were headed off to ......LUNCH?! Agonizing. Lol 

After our short tour of "over there is noodles, that way is noodles and that corner over there....great noodles". We were back at the hotel to grab our things to meet our baby. 

We were told they were on the second floor. That elevator ride was intense. I felt like I couldn't breath. We had no idea what to expect. The elevator doors opened and we walked out. It was quiet and empty. Torture. 10 minutes later we are told they won't be there for another hour. Aggggggoooonnnny. So we waited. 

Very very anxiously. 

And then, an hour later, among table talk as we tried to pass the time, there he is. He was perfect. Just as I expected him to look. My son. Always has been, always will be. My son. He was held by his nanny. He held on tight to her. The instant he saw me he screamed out of terror and sadness. I was going to let him warm up to me but the orphanage Director grabbed him quickly from her arms and dangled him out to me. Poor baby. I took him and he was as stiff as a board. Leaning as far back away from me as he possibly could. I was not offended. I was sooooooo overjoyed to comfort him. I wispered, "I know baby. This is so hard. I know". 

In China, the people there do not like it when babies cry. His orphanage director then swooped him out of my hands to comfort him. I had to fight my momma bear inside (WHAAAAAAT are you doing?!) but instead I stood by poised with a grin. I took him back and immediately walked to the farthest corner away from everyone in the room. I rocked him and sang to him through broken tearful song about how God made him and that I am his Mommy. I wispered "I am your Mommy" in Chinese. He slowly began to melt into me. I sang and sang and sang. Gods peace was abundant. 

 The next thing I knew, the Nannies were gone and it was just us. He held on to me for dear life. I'm sure he was very confused and scared, wondering where these strange people were taking him, yet again. 

We immediately loaded in a car and headed to get his passport photo and a family picture to go in the paper that says "This child has been found". :) 

He was terrified the whole time until mommy made some lousy car sounds and daddy have him a few licks of his sucker! 

Then the rest is history! We went back to our hotel room and he LOVED being free. He loved being able to hold both his bottle and his soppy cup at the same time, for as long as he wanted. He tested ALOT of boundries but who wouldn't?! We loved him through it. 

He loved playing with daddy and man oh man did he live the water. We all went to bed that night blissfully exhausted and profoundly thankful that our son is finally in our arms.